I love you, Mom

On Valentine's Day around two in the afternoon, my mother ended her battle with Leukemia, drifting off peacefully with her family surrounding her bed. What a battle she had. Since my being in college, Mom rode the waves of emotions, treatments, complications, and suffering that at times were overwhelming and at the best were just an annoyance. She also had great joys in those times. She watched two of her children get married (not to each other thankfully) and experienced the birth of three granddaughters. My mother also found a place of peace during that time in Montana. Trips to strengthen the mind and body were lengthy and frequent. It was such a special place for her full of beauty, good people, and tranquil solitude.

On occasion, when I first was going to Duke for radiation treatments, we wold meet in the cafeteria for breakfast. She'd come early to an appointment and I'd stay late after a treatment. Although the radiation was easy for me being on my arm, the difficult part was befriending the other patents, many who were having more sensitive areas radiated like their throat or abdomen. Mom and I both laughed about how F'ed up the situation was for us to be meeting for breakfast in Durham because we both had cancer. It only happened a few times, but I'm glad we were able to share that time together, comfort each other, and try to have some normalcy in such an unfavorable situation.

I may add some more later, but just wanted to say a few words about my mom. She sat with me at the hospital almost every day I did chemo and most of the ones I was home recovering. I always loved to run everything by her. She and I thought very alike on so many things. It's going to be a crazy world without her.

Seven in a Row

Good news, I had my seventh clean chest scan in a row since the surgery to remove the small tumor from my lung. I did learn that I was mistaken...quarterly chest scans continue for three years since your last treatment then go to every six months for the last two until you reach the five year mark at which point Big C's has assured me that we'll get matching tattoos. Part of me selfishly wants to reach the benchmark just to watch Kat von D ink my Dad. Seriously.

It felt great to have another chest scan. I waited to show my doctor and his nurse the baby pics in my mother-in-law's cheetah print picture case after I got the results and I explained the case wasn't mine. Luckily oncologists don't question your manhood after you've been to hell and back with a smile on your bald head. And while these scans have definitely become a bit more stressful for Ashley and myself since having the kids, I really do feel more confident each time I get a clean scan about beating cancer. I am now as far as I've ever been since the diagnosis from having a problem. It's been three years since I found the bump in my arm.

Let's keep the momentum!

Two legit to quit

To all the folks finding this site through the Sarcoma Alliance blog (linked in the margin to the right), I wish you all well. Over the past three years I've documented the trials of facing a rare sarcoma diagnosis, recurrence, and metastatic disease. At times I poke fun at the situations I've faced. At other times I've reflected on the emotional and physical battles I've waged. For the most part, I've tried to keep it together, having a positive attitude and when possible and being thankful when appropriate. I have tackled these obstacles with the help of faith, family, friends, and excellent medical advice & practice. Although scary at first, each day, I have gained confidence that I will successfully make it through this ordeal, hopefully gaining experience and insight in the process. If there is any way I can help anyone facing a similar adversary, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Tomorrow I have a quarterly CT scan of my chest. This scan marks the 21st month without any detection of cancer. At that point I just have one more scan to reach the two year mark and move out of the "high risk" period for recurrence for the first time since I was diagnosed. I've never really been a big fan of keeping up with the statistics, maybe because they were usually ones that were scary or difficult to swallow. Approaching this point is both exciting and intimidating. In some ways, it's hard to believe that I can breath a little easier after all I've been through. Then again...I need all the breath I can get to scale my newest hurdle of having twin girls. So far, it's been a blast, especially at the 4am feeding. Two words...wet poopy.

I'll post the results tomorrow.

I Love Money 2 started tonight.