Looking back and forward.

Ashley and I had an amazing trip to Mexico. After a small routine surgery Thursday to remove the port, we hopped on a plane Saturday and flew to Zihuatanejo via a night in Houston thanks to strong headwinds resulting in a delayed flight and a missed connection. I don't even think I need to explain how that trivial bump in the road barely registered on my don't-give-a-damnometer after the past 12 months.

We enjoyed temps that ranged from the mid seventies to the mid nineties. Perfect summer weather and a chance to get out of your winter clothes. It does help to have your luggage to make the change, which decided to hang out in Houston for an additional evening and force us into some pretty sweaty vacationing out of the gate. Nuisance, yes. End of the world, not a chance. After getting our luggage, the rest of the trip went off without a hitch and was a nice time for us to be away and relax and put some sun on my pastey white head.

I really just now have had the chance to settle from the traveling. We returned from Mexico Thursday and went to the beach for the weekend to celebrate at Fleming and Kirk's engagement party. Monday we flew to New York for a fairly cold, "Northern" week and returned this past Thursday. Looking forward, we've got a week in Paris for the store, Fleming's wedding in Sea Island, and a trip with Ashley's family to Spain in May.

I'm relived that I made it through my treatments and came out on the other side on schedule and with the energy and enthusiasm not only to participate in these activities but to enjoy them as well. So far, other than several minor side effects, the only evidence of the 2006 scare might only be a scar on my arm, some loss of flexibility on my wrist, and a few unpleasant memories. If I would have know last May when I was diagnosed that I would be sitting here typing this looking at the strong possibility of having licked this thing, I'm not sure I would have believed it. Rightly so, I can honestly say that a part of me feels the same way. Was that IT?

Was that it? Is it over? Can I stop worrying? What about the next two years of tests? Will I forget this year? Will it make me a better person? Will it move off the front burner and become a trial of life and a memory? Should I do more to help the cause now? Can you totally move past it? Will things go back to normal? I don't think they can. Normal yes, if you mean enjoying life and moving forward. Normal no, if you mean going back to the way things were before a doctor called my at home and told me I had a rare from of cancer that could kill me. How could it ever be the same?

The question now is "What next?" I have kept my head up though this entire process. I've tried to be strong for those who needed it and opened my heart to those who needed to see my venerability. I've always believed I'd make it though this, regardless of what it took to see success. Anything that could be done from diet to lifestyle, to aggressive treatment decisions to staying strong mentally, spiritually, and physically, I feel confident in my decisions. Because of this attitude, I truly feel that I can move on and get back to the things I love. All I can say is Thanks. Wow, what a year.

We'll see where the path takes me. I'm happy to say that I must have been pretty happy with my life. I didn't have any major regrets. I don't want to start from scratch and move my life in a completely different direction. Will there be small changes, yes. Will I put myself first a little more, most likely. Will my priorities in life change dramatically, don't think so. That reassuring.

So for now the blog may lose a bit of momentum. I'll check in every month or so and update any visits to Duke or results from scans. Hopefully the posts will move further and further apart. I really appreciate everyone's support. I've spoken to a number of you who have told me how much you enjoyed reading this. I think it has been an amazing place for us all to share this experience. For me, it has been an unbelievably satisfying, enjoyable, and crucial part of my treatment. Take care, friends.

Love,

CP