Friday, September 29, 2006

Back to the lighter side of life...

Well the second cycle is over and almost proved to go a bit easier than the first. That is until I woke up the third day during a ifosfomide treatment feeling sick to my stomach and realizing I was face to face with a meatloaf and gravy a la hospital that still makes me cringe. Anti-nausea pills turned into anti-aircraft artillery in an instant. Come to think of it, I never want to see another tray of hospital food ever again.

I do feel better this time. I'm not sure if my body if more used to the treatments, I'm not dealing with the stress of the port surgery, or the acupuncture treatments are working....but besides the same sick feeling, I do feel stronger.

Now all I have to do is drop the 20 pounds I gain each treatment from the ten liters a day of IV fluids they give me to flush my system out (seriously).

Glad some of you enjoyed the last blog. I got some touching responses.

Planning on a speedy recovery and a couple of good weeks and weekends before I go back late October. Mind you, go back to finish the 3rd treatment and be half way done.

Cruisin'

(new pic on the Triton Photos)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Reflections of C Qi

Since the beginning of this whole ordeal, I've really been touched by all the support and concern from everyone, regarding my health and seeing my success through this whole process. Success, in a complete sense, involves several victories with the most important one being the eradication the cancer. However, total success also includes having and showing the strength to see this resolution to its completion. This strength not only guides me physically and mentally, but sets the tone for my loved ones to know how to react and comfort themselves and each other through this struggle. As much as it is my obstacle; the emotions and realities are shared by us all. This newly created stress generates difficulty and must be acknowledged and addressed. Increased pressures and strain can be potentially destructive. True success will be found in not only eradicating the cancer from my body, but by doing in a way that brings my loved ones closer together in this time of mutual and personal struggle.

With that in mind, I wanted to describe to you how things are really going, without the sarcasm and light humor to distract from the reality and gravity of the situation. Everyone has felt the weight in their own way, but I truly feel like we are handling it as best as possible. I have seen great strength, love, and consolation in my family and especially my wife. My family and close friends have shared potential lonely times with me at the hospital and down times at home, keeping spirits up if only through silent companionship rather than active entertainment. An enormous community of loved friends have made incredible efforts to show support through bringing food, flowers, gifts, cards, and inspirational stories. This has been done both collectively as groups and by caring individuals. Ashley and I have been overwhelmed and touched EACH time by EVERY kindness you have shown and I can't begin to express what an important role you have played in easing my navigation through these trying times.

This cancer has been difficult for several reasons. For me the first and hardest complication has been watching my family have to endure these troubling times with anxiety and heartache. You know me; I love my friends and family and in many ways hold them equally close to my heart. Having to subject them with something as serious and frightening as this has been immeasurably unbearable. I've apologized to them all so many times for having to put them through this. Each time we both agree that I have nothing to be sorry for, but it doesn't completely resolve the feelings I have. I am sorry that I have to put this burden on my loved ones, whether it be their time, money, emotions, or anything that doesn't generate happiness.

Having said that, what can we draw from this experience that is happy? How can I or we view this year as something positive? There are the obvious resolutions. If you can get through this, everything will seem easier. Life is filled with unexpected complications and experiencing one is part of our development; building character, mental fortitude, and valuable experience to recognize, accept, and overcome problems that arise in the future for us all. Another valuable lesson is that we are all vulnerable and mortal. Life is precious and we should both cherish it and honor it, celebrating the body, mind, heart, and world around us. In our busy lives, it is imperative that we never take for granted all these gifts we have: our health, our family, our friends, our freedom, and our lives.

The cancer was a huge surprise. The shockwave knocked me to my knees as I heard the news over the phone in my kitchen. At that moment my tears turned to laughter, mainly at myself and my reaction. I have nothing to fear. I'm going to be fine; hugely inconvenienced for a year, but totally fine. Honestly, I look at myself in the mirror at least once a day and say to myself "you are not going to die." Every night when I lie in bed, I thank God for another day that I was able enjoy. In the larger scheme of life, this is merely an obstacle which must be respected, remembered, but most importantly and simply... overcome.

There are several phrases I have read or been told that have stuck with me throughout the past months.

"Cancer is just a cluster of abnormal cells, that's it." These cells can be (and are normally) removed by the body itself or if need be by modern medicine, including all the various types of treatments I'm undergoing. My prognosis is VERY positive overall after the year is over.

"You can't listen to statistics, because they're old news." All the stats we read are based on past studies, not future ones. They also represent groups not individuals. These are very important to remember.

"One day Jesus said to his disciples, "Let's go over to the other side of the lake." So they got into a boat and set out. As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.
The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!" He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. "Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, "Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him." (Luke:8 22-25)


I know this is a bit out of the "norm" for my usual post. My intention was to help you understand how I'm feeling about the whole situation. In a nutshell the feeling would be: "this sucks, but I'm gonna get through it just fine." Yeah, it's a ton of time with doctors and in the hospital, but it could easily be with worse people in worse places. Let's face it, I'm here with them in order to get healthy again. My arm looks like something from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but it will heal. My bald head will grow back, and who knows, it might even be curly and I can grow that fro I've always wanted. Humor has always been an integral part of my life. It's created countless hours of laughter and entertainment, while at the same time has beautifully distracted unwanted sadness when appropriate. I'll continue to submit updates with a balance of fact, experience, sarcasm, and humor. I hope you find it as fun and therapeutic to read as I do to write.

Humble Thanks to All.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Getting ready for round two.

It has been a nice week. Except for having to miss the crushing blow Wake delivered to Ole Miss yesterday, I've continued to feel increasing stronger and normal each day. All my blood counts are back to normal and the infection has just about gone. There is an updated arm photo on the Photo site.

I'm not exactly looking forward to going back for the second cycle, but as I have stated in the past, I really do like taking an active role in the treatment....and trust me, this is about as active as it gets.

The Nuelasta shot did it's job the first cycle. I only had a handful of days that I had to worry about extremely low white counts. I'm sure that will be the case this time as well. Other than that, I'll give a brief update from the hospital and write a little something when I leave.

Thanks for all the food. Please remember I'm on a strict diet of Crispix for about 3 days after I come home. After that, I move into the heartier shells and cheese and finally white bread turkey sandwiches, yellow mustard and Mayo only.

This cycle has marked some of the most interesting gifts by far, including: a Best Buy gift certificate, a Flavor Flav pillow case, and a Civil War sword. For the record, that is the first time in the history of written language, that those three items have been listed together. What if da Three Wise Men had brought those gifts? WHOAH!!!

I hope to see you soon. If you catch me in a 3rd week, you'll really be surprised to see how well I'm doing (or at least how well I can make you think I'm doing...)

Take care.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Let me show you exactly how it happened...

It was an emotional day.

I'll warn you that several of these pictures look deep into who I really am and the true emotions I had to deal with that serious day. Thank you to my family, my therapist, and my group session team leader. You all really taught me how important is was to share these images and not be ashamed of them. The burden and the hair have both vanished TOGETHER in the wind.










Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Seriously Though....

Monday, September 18, 2006

Split your wig.


I'm home as of this morning, but I think the big "surprise" is just over the horizon.....

Don't worry, I'm not going to bother pulling my hair out over this one.

Halloween costume ideas....

10. Suge Knight
9. Trachea Punched Soave
8. Lex Luthor
7. Dr. Evil
6. Hungry Henry, Ted's new baby (I'm gonna need Kristin as a prop)
5. Mr. Clean
4. Daddy Warbucks
3. Louis Gossett, Jr
2. Telly Savalas
1. Powder

Sunday, September 17, 2006

The surprises keep coming.

Well it's Sunday and I'm sitting in the hospital again. We made a trip to the ER yesterday because my arm looked a bit infected and the doctors thought it was enough to justify admission. A few days of high crank IV antibiotics then a couple of weeks of additional antibiotics at home should eliminate the problem.

Apparently my old attitude of letting things work out on their own isn't going to cut it these days. Gone are the days of trying to overcome salmonella poisoning with shear will power alone. (No, I didn't overcome it that way. Yes, my Mommy had to take me to a doctor) With the compromised immune system, any infection or sickness can get very serious very quickly.

On a side note, the bone pain is gone, the blood counts are coming back, and I waxed half a pizza last night with Clark.

Should be home early next week. Let's keep our fingers crossed nothing new comes up between now and the next treatment. On second thought, new is OK, surprisingly shocking, painful, or utterly inconvenient is a different story.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Faster than I thought...

Thursday I had my second round of blood work done. One of the key numbers they determine is ANC. Here is a blurb from medicineworld.org to save myself a little explanation time.

"Physicians usually calculate the absolute neutrophil count (ANC) from your regular blood count to determine the risk of infection. ANC is calculated by multiplying the total white cell count by the percentage of neutrophils and then dividing by 100. For example if your total white cell count is 4,000 and neutrophil percentage is 50 then your ANC is 2000 x 50 divided by 100 and equals 4000. If your white cell count is again 8000 but neutrophil percentage is 25 then the ANC is 1000. If your ANC is 500 to 1000 you are at slightly higher risk from infection. If ANC is 300 to 500 you are moderate to severe risk from infection. Red blood cells may also drop with the chemotherapy. If the platelets drops markedly you may be at risk of bleeding. "

After reading that, I'm not sure it explains anything. I hope no one had any bad science class flashbacks.

On Thursday my ANC was 480. Technically, this means I'm "neutropedic." Other than washing my hands like Bill Murray's character in What About Bob and giving more fist loves than hand shakes, the day went on as usual, or as usual as it can be for a guy whose attending three fashions shows at a women's clothing store he's started with your wife.

The red cell and platelet counts were normal.

Today adds another new and exciting twist. Throughout the day, my lower back has gradually gotten more sore. My first diagnosis was a bad night on the couch falling asleep to Leaving Los Vegas. After the pain worsened, I phoned Duke and learned that it is most likely from rapid bone marrow regeneration which occurs most actively in the pelvis for adults. In other words the pain is a probable indicator that my white cells are coming back. Oddly enough the pain started soon after a visit to the acupuncturist whose treatments are focused on immune support as well as anti-nausea and fatigue.

Can somebody say...SPINAL TRAUMA...

Thanks and I still feel better, I think. Ouch.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Getting back on my feet.

Midweek has rolled around and I can say that I've felt better everyday I've been home, today being the best. I tried to have a normal work day yesterday which far from happened exactly the way I anticipated it (note to self: fix air conditioning in truck ASAP!!), but I did make it home alive at 11pm after a company dinner with Ashley the girls from the store (additional note to self: don't bother ordering nice food).

Part of my routine will involve having blood drawn every Monday and Thursday. The blood count derived will indicate levels of white and red cells and platelets. The first test showed normal results. The white cell count acts similar to the color coded Terror Alert Status, decreasing from blue, green, yellow, orange, to red. Currently and literally, I'm green. When I hit red, which will probably happen, I just need to be extremely more careful. Infection and getting sick are the most dangerous terror threats during the process.

The doctors told me the RBC and platelet counts will drop but can easily be fixed with blood transfusions, which will most likely happen as well in later cycles. Clark offered his blood but failed my personal screening requirements.

For now I feel good. I've got four nausea medications, one works exceptionally well without any noticeable side effects. Of course it's obnoxiously expensive, but the insurance "man" is still picking up the tab.

As for a summary of the first cycle...week in the hospital, 5-6 days recovering at home, last week or so should be pretty bearable. Let's just hope the others go by so "easily."

Thanks for all the great cards, food, flowers, encouragement, morally compromising email attachments, and friendship.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Feeling like a million bucks!!!



I'm home. It was a long week. I gained 15lbs from the continuous fluids they put in me. We figured I got 10 or more liters a day for 4 days. I think that's enough liquid to fill all those forties Snoop stacked in the fridge in that "Dre Day' video from high school. With a couple of days of rest and some extra strength Midal, I should be back to normal. Ashley wins another award for being so amazing, including giving me a shot this afternoon while I argued with her the right way to stick me. To answer your queston...yes, I've booted, several times.

Feel free to stop by the house unless you're sick and you don't mind watching me sleep, or the sight of a bearded 30 year old in PJ's being waited on like a 5 year old doesn't scare you. The doctors encourage getting back into your routine as soon as you are on your feet, which includes being around people. So with a careful eye on some test reults, watching my health, and a little OCD handwashing, time spent between treatments should be fairly "normal." When is the Godcouncil/football weekend again?

On a serous note. All food is truly appreciated. Just please be aware that we're eating healthy,staying away from red and fatty meats and sweets and foods high in fat (excess cheese, mayo, et). Thank you so much.

One down...five to go. PIECE OF CAKE (sugar free cake)

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Finding Chemo: The follow-up



Today I ran the experiment of speedballing chemo and hospital food. The mysterious effects of that combination are yet to be determined but appears to be uneventful. Yes the wagon in the picture is mine. Ashley and the nurses take turns pushing me around the pediatric floor. After two laps the wagon made a deep sighful moan and crushed under my weight. I am the biggest kid this floor has EVER seen. It's probably a good thing the cart broke before Fleming "accidently" sent my a flight of steps after misreading her new GPS directional do-hicky.

Everthing went well yesterday. Took both chemo drugs, three or four other drugs to help the effects, slept alot, remained relatively comfortable. Today we had a repeat performance. I tried some other drugs including a mild sedative that complemented the chemo better, so the experience was easier than yesterday. Other than a slight upset stomach, some indigestion and mild fatigue, I feel good. Just about all the pain from the port surgery is gone and I have pretty good use of my left hand as well. It looks like we'll be coming home Saturday afternoon.

Things have been pretty normal. I walk around in PJ's, slippers, and my C Qi bathrobe pushing the pump/fluid/whatever you call it cart. This time they're using the port instead of the IV in my arm. All liquids enter the port, flow through a tube into the jugular vein and go directly into my heart. This quickly disperses them through the body and prevents dangerous concetration levels. They're flushing me constantly with liquids to prevent kidney and bladder damamge which is a bit of a hassle and more entertaining when it comes out orange from the chemo. All in all, things are going well. Movie night, every nite. Any time is nap time.

The staff is great and the fam hasn't let me get board for a minute. Being on the children's floor has it's advantages also. Clark and I snagged a Domino's pizza on the hall for lunch for 5 bucks. Apparently if someone calls one in they bring extras, just in case. I'm not going down without a serious fight when it comes to losing my appitite. Scarface was wrong, a man's got three things in this world.

P.S. I never really rode in the cart. (I know...but those believers had to know the truth.)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Strike One

Quick day synopsis. Not exactly what I planned.

1. Left this morning in pouring rain.

2. IV and port placed this morning. Feels like Tommy Boy getting hit by the 2x4 but in the neck.

3. Problem with access to port. When they tried to give me fluids (for about ten seconds), the only things that got hydrated were my eyes. We'll leave it at that.

4. Fleming dropped scalding hot soup on my bare legs.

5. We'll do first treatment of chemo tomorrow after everyone is 100% sure everything is working correctly. Apparently this stuff is like battery acid if it gets outside the circulatory system.

6. In great spirits. I did plan on that. Bring it!

(new Triton Photos)

Monday, September 04, 2006

It's time to get busy with this....

We're heading to Durham tonight and gearing up for what at this time seems to be the most "real" step of the process. I'm truly looking forward to completing the final step of this entire treatment.

Tomorrow I will go in around 8am to have an IV placed and some blood drawn for tests. The port surgery is scheduled for 9:30am and assuming everything looks good, we'll begin one of the drugs late afternoon. It will take about an hour to get the drip through the port.

Wednesday and Thursday, I'll receive both drugs separately over the course of the day. The actual treatment time will be an hour for one and 30 minutes for the other.

Friday will involve observation and rehydration most importantly. I'll head home late afternoon.

Saturday is reserved for catching DVRed episodes of "Flavor of Love" and "Dirty Jobs." If you haven't seen "Flavor of Love," (Flavor Flav from Public Enemy meets The Bachelor) it is by for the worst, embarrassing, ridiculous, unintelligent television currently available and my favorite show hands down. If you watch it with my recommendation in mind, there is an excellent chance you'll change the channel and think less of me in fewer than two minutes.

"Dirty Jobs" a bit more tolerable...maybe. Hopefully Ashley won't feel like she's made a guest appearance on the show after spending the week with me.

Thanks for the support as always. We'll be through this step in no time. Honestly, I have a wedding Saturday in Greensboro and if I feel up to it, I'm going. I mean, that's why they make DVR anyways, right?

Take care.